A Los Angeles-based screenwriter has opened the bedroom door to the widespread yet hidden world of swingers in a new book that’s part memoir, part guide.
In “Swingland,” 38-year-old Daniel Stern describes his many encounters with multiple partners as well as his numerous rejections and that time he hit his head on the ceiling fan during group sex. He also details a particular orgy where he was the youngest participant by at least three decades, and one of the women was in her 80s.
“It was so unexpected,” he said of the “AARP orgy” in an interview with the Daily News. “I did not think I was walking into that. And more over, I didn’t think I would enjoy myself. I’m not saying I would repeat that, but I was happy that I kept an open mind.”
Mixed in with Stern’s salacious and often humorous anecdotes are pieces of advice on how to go from a “vanilla” individual (that is, not part of the swinger community) to a seasoned participant. He also includes a glossary with all of the acronyms and lingo one would need.
Stern first learned about “the Lifestyle,” which is the name used for the “global community whose members (swingers) engage in sexual relations as recreational or social activity,” while looking for casual sex partners. He was trying to overcome his anxieties about sex using the “practice makes perfect” mentality, he said.
Once he got his foot in the door, he was taking part in everything from MFM scenarios (threesomes with another male and a female) to foursomes to gang bangs.
In “Swingland,” Stern explains the hierarchy within the Lifestyle. At the top sits the couples, then the storied single women (often called “unicorns” because of their “rare and mythical existence”) and then the single men. As a member of the bottom tier, Stern said he’s proof single men can still succeed, as long as they accept their position and follow the rules.
“A lot of men think, ‘we just show up and have sex and we do what we want.’ And that’s not the case,” Stern said.
In fact, Stern writes in the book that “swingers find selfishness so despicable that a morbidly obese man with full-body acne, halitosis, dandruff and malignant body odor gets laid in the Lifestyle before a selfish male.”
Stern makes it clear that “the Lifestyle” isn’t for everyone. His goal with “Swingland,” he said, was to shed some light on an often misrepresented subculture, and let those who want to try it out themselves know what does and does not fly in the circuit.
Lying about anything, for example, is a no-no, as is disrespect. And show up to events, whatever they entail, on time.
“All of these things you would do in a normal, vanilla situation,” he told The News. “This just has a little more physicality to it.”
Oh, and he suggests orgy attendees bring extra condoms and a nice platter or something similar with them to the party.
“Don’t come empty-handed,” he writes. “Someone has spent time and effort (and often their own money) executing the party at which you are, essentially, being spoon-fed sex. Bring something other than your libido to express your gratitude. Often, I contribute a fruit plate.”
“Swingland: Between the Sheets of the Secretive, Sometimes Messy, but Always Adventurous Swinging Lifestyle” was released on Tuesday.